Is Canada it’s Own Country??

Hmmm how existential……This was a question presented to me in a smoky little bar in Indianapolis, Indiana while attending a trade show last week. Wanting to give the young lady who presented this question the benefit of the doubt, I thought perhaps the cause of her apparent ignorance to the social political structure of our fine country was due to the fact that she appeared to be on her tenth Red bull and Vodka and continually had to wipe the drool from her cheek as she vainly attempted to focus on my face. Now although her question at first irritated me it also piqued my curiosity. I was curious to find out if more people where as misinformed about the large country that sat atop the US as she was. So I decided I would go on a little quest to find out.

As with most trade shows you always end up in a bar chatting up the locals and attendees, so I made an attempt to cover the full spectrum from college students up to the attending business people and to my surprise there are a lot of folks in the US from all walks of life that don’t have a clue about the Great White North. I got a full range of questions ranging from, “does Canada have its own money?” Isn’t Canada part of England”, to “are you Irish” That one might have had to do with the amount of drink I’d consumed but not sure. Either way it was amusing and slightly disturbing to think that the country we share the continent with is so uniformed about us up here in Canada. Perhaps I’ll open up education centers all across America to fill them all in about us crazy Canucks. And for all you out there wondering….

YES CANADA IS ITS OWN FUCKING COUNTRY!

Be Good

Thanks Northwest

I just wanted to thank Northwest Airlines for sitting me beside the biggest, nastiest, fattest, man hating lesbian I have ever had the misfortune to place my eyes on. I know, I know that’s not politically correct but when you are afraid to go to sleep because she might begin the gnaw on your arm for a snack or even worse try and absorb you with her evil massiveness be means of phagocytosis I have to say it like I see it.

Maybe she was a nice person after all and she was having a bad day. Maybe the last unsuspecting guy who got stuck sitting next to her left a bad taste in her mouth after she killed and ate him. Maybe she was self conscious about the insect like whiskers she had growing out of all three of her chins. Maybe it was the foul odor she was emitting, who knows, but all I can say was I was afraid. Afraid for my life and soul. My only saving grace was the friendly attractive girl sitting on the other side. She was pretty, young and her perfume became my force field that would save me from the evilness to my right. I felt like I was sitting between good and evil, light and dark, Kate Hudson and Britney Spears.

Thanks again Northwest

Be Good

Ahhh Trade Shows

So here at work we are just coming into our trade show and conference season. As a matter of fact I’m off to the rock’n city of Indianapolis, Indiana on Sunday for a conference and trade show. A week of schmoozing, lack of sleep and hopefully not too much drinking. I’ve learnt over the past years that standing on your feet all day trying to sound intelligent with a raging hangover is not the best time ever. So this trip I have half assed committed to being good, however the odds are against me. The group I’m traveling with this time is well known for there trade show antics involving copious amounts of liquor, police intervention and emergency rooms so please pray for my soul.

I am going to try and post while on the road but cant promise anything, however there will most undeniably be some stories to tell when I return. The names however will be changed to protect the Innocent.

Be Good

Two Years

Two years ago yesterday on a warm sunny September evening our little boy Alex joined our little family. Ever since then he has not failed to amaze, amuse or even inspire me on a daily basis. So this post is dedicated to Alex a.k.a. “Bub”

No matter how bad of a day I’m having he always seems to make me laugh and smile.

Happy Birthday Bub, I love you!

No You Flick Off

Wow, more than a week since the last post. Between work sucking ass and being flat on my back with the black death I haven’t been able to even think about this blog which irritates me all to hell. Anyways, the other day I was lying on the couch sick as a dog praying for a quick and painless death when a commercial came on for the Flick Off campaign. For those who are not familiar with Flick off its a movement to fight climate change by the way of reduced energy use thus reducing emissions of green house gases etc, etc. Now I’m all for environmental stewardship, and taking care of our precious mother earth. However, I’m not to sure, and it could have been due to the fact that I had a fever of 103 but the ole Flick off Logo was not telling me to flick off but rather to fuck off.

Now I’m no marketing genius and assume that the similarity is blatantly on purpose because its now cool to be ironic and sublime. I am however wishing it could it be that the guy who was responsible to come up with the logo was high, or had been beaten severely about the head and neck on the way to work that day. Or maybe he was fired and this was his way of getting even, like the time the Disney artist made the Little Mermaid’s castle look like a penis allegedly out of angst. Either way I don’t get it.

Be Good

The Last Exhale of Summer

Ahhhh the Labour Day weekend, that last climax of summer. It all feels much calmer this Tuesday morning doesn’t it? The kids are back in school, most of the tourist are making their way home, traffic doesn’t have that I want to drive a pick axe into that lady’s hood feel anymore, it just feels like you have let out a great cleansing exhale.

Soon fall will be into full swing with the cool crisp mornings, the warmer clothes, turning of the leaves, warm steamy beverages on the way to work, and my personal favorite, no more yard work. I really really hate yard work.

Be Good

Peformance Review

I’ve got my semi annual performance review this week. I’ve always felt that reviews where somewhat of a waste of time and energy. They always feel rushed and contrived, you sit there while some HR bot or your disengaged manager follow along with some pre-formatted review form scoring you like one of those stupid tests out of Cosmo to rate your date or something.

In preparation for my pending review and my recent fifth year wedding anniversary, I got to thinking the other day that there should be an annual review process that each person has to go through. Being married can feel like work some of the time can’t it? Throughout your marriage you are expected to perform certain tasks such as mowing the lawn, killing spiders, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. You are expected to maintain specific financial targets and represent the “organization” in a professional personable manner.

So why not review each other each year to give you an indication of how you are performing as a life partner and how the “Organization” is performing as a whole. It would come in handy God forbid if it ever came to divorce.

“Well your honor we feel fifteen thousand dollars a month in alimony is unwarranted.” “If you look back at Mrs. Smith’s last three performance reviews she has clearly not met the expectations in many areas. She has not worn the Cow Girl or Xena Warrior Princess outfits when requested, and has failed to learn the basics of lawn care” Or, conversely it could be “Mr. Smith has clearly not been performing up to his potential your honor.” He hasn’t fixed the fence, or painted the garage, and his commitment to foreplay is clearly spurious”

Now I wouldn’t see the reviews being too stuffy or formal but something typical to most performance reviews you would go through in the corporate world. It might look something like this for instance.

Marriage Review

 

Be Good

 

70

Yet another Canadian solider has been lost in Afghanistan bringing the toll up to 70. Reports are that he was found with a gunshot wound inside a secure compound in Kabul. It appears that the death wasn’t a result of hostile action, but perhaps an accident or even suicide. I would hate to think that things are bad enough over there for one of our guys that he would want to off himself. Again, my deepest sympathies to his family, friends and comrades.

Come home soon guys!

Be Good

A Million Pardons

I have been neglecting my blog over the past few days. I was experiencing some technical difficulties late Thursday but the fine people at worpress support fixed me up in no time. Friday I spent a fantastic day on the Golf Course golfing in the Sindi Hawkins and Friends Golf Classic for Cancer. I fortunately haven’t been touched by cancer but have had some friends who have, so it was great being involved with such a great event. I had hoped to have some pictures but as usual I forgot the camera, I should just buy 20 cameras and have one every where, the car, the golf bag, at work, tapped to my head, tapped to my ass.

Saturday was spent cooking and prepping for 40+ people for an epic 70th Birthday Party for my Mother in Law, ahh the things I do brownie points. Everyone seemed to have a good time and enjoyed the grub so all went well.

I’ll be hopefully back to regular posts in the next coming days so stay tuned…

Be Good

68th and 69th

So we’ve lost two more. Two Canadian soldiers and an Afghan interpreter were killed Wednesday in Afghanistan. No details of the incident have been released yet but again avoiding going on a angry rant all I have to say is my deepest condolences to the family, freinds and comrades of these two soldiers.

I will however ask that you check out the following link and do what’s best…….

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/end-canadian-combat-operations-in-afghanistan.html

Come home soon guys!

Be Good, and Safe